Melting ice sculpture
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Shuichi wanted to sing for the rest of his life, but he didn't know how to express it. Then, he kept on looking for inspiration from the idol himself, but maybe the idol was looking back at him as well?


**Fandom: Gravitation  
Title: Melting ice sculpture  
Pairing: Ryuichi + Shuichi  
Rating: PG  
Description: Shuichi wanted to sing for the rest of his life, but he didn****'****t know how to express it. Then, he kept on looking for inspiration from the idol himself, but maybe the idol was looking back at him as well****.**

**Disclaimer: Yui doesn****'****t own gravitation.  
**  
Ever wonder what they meant by those hot men that pulled down their sunglasses just to obviously tell you that they were looking at you?

You don't wonder…  
…you just wink back.

**Melting ice sculpture  
By miyamoto yui  
**  
Well, that's what the rock magazine said as the young man threw the magazine on his bed with a skeptical look.  
Thank goodness they had translated the English interview into Japanese or else he would have missed his favorite singer's words.

He looked at himself in the mirror that he had hung on the wall out of vanity. He shook his head and he held his hair in shock.  
"Pink," the boy told himself as the straps of his khaki pants hit him as he turned from side to side. "I can't believe I chose pink. It wasn't supposed to work out this way! It's too light!"

He wanted to be "different". "Different" was what he got…  
…along with his sister, mother, and best friend laughing at him. They were trying to support him, but, of course, a boy as thin as he was would always be mistaken for a girl. This time, there was no mistake, especially with that hair.

"But enough of that," he tried to tell himself while looking at his reflection and deep into his own eyes. The eyes wouldn't wander to the white wall around the black-framed mirror of a square in front of him.  
"Shuichi, you have to practice or else Hiro's gonna get mad at you again."

"Shuichi!" Hiro shouted while closing his eyes in annoyance.  
In the face of danger, Shuichi hit below the belt. He opened his eyes widely, put his hands in fists and pouted until Hiro forgot what he was mad at. (The usual: Lyrics. The same problem. Always.)

Today, though, he was going to practice moves. How had Sakuma-sama done that last move? He couldn't remember and he just watched it a few minutes ago before he read the last lines of the interview again.  
"He's so cool," Shuichi commented as he stood over his bed and looked down at the picture of Ryuichi with his shirt off and his hand to the air with a killer look.

What was it about this man that made girls line up for his concerts before the opening date and the boys blush whenever he was found kissing the cheek of his former bandmate Seguchi Tohma?  
Couldn't be an American thing to kiss like that. No, that couldn't be it at all!

Ryuichi went beyond social conventions. He wasn't just an idol. He was THE idol.  
Touching him would mean that you transcended human existence, or so the papers always promoted.

"He's one of a kind," said one of the male interviewers with a smirk in his words. (Was that possible? Yes, with Ryuichi, anything was possible.)

He stared at the lights around Ryuichi as his intense eyes looked at the crowd as if he was an endless supply of energy, sweat dripping from his neck down to his navel, the pants unbuttoned and hanging on his hips so tightly. (People thought if he even wore underwear. Myths, the stuff naughty dreams are made of.)

"Could I handle people thinking stuff about me like that when I get famous?" Shuichi blushed at his own thoughts and shook his head. Then, he smiled as he went over to the vcr to rewind the video of the latest concert. The name of the tour was "Melt", which was the name of the number one hit on Ryuichi's latest album.

He loved Ryuichi. The man could clash colors, wear costumes that wouldn't fit anyone else, and do all these things that no one would even dare do, and still win the admiration of even more fans. You've seen him with a white face and red, red lipstick for one cd cover. You've seen him strip off his clothes because the fans were already wild. You've even been able to witness his superb flirting skills with male and female hosts on the various music stations.  
And yet, he was still doing more. Much more…

With an air of respect, despite all the oozing sexiness that could be seen even from the movement of his fingertips on a microphone. Even that was too sexual for some people.

Shuichi couldn't stand it. Why wasn't he born this talented? Why was he only a teenager with a dream that he couldn't see anything but?

As the tape rewound, he stood up and looked down at himself. The tight, black tank top with socks on his feet. "What could be sexy about this?" he wondered to himself.

Maybe he dyed his hair from more than being "different". He wanted to be counted as "attractive" for once. For all the times he had been called either a weirdo or a dreamer, he lost count since he was four. And with that, he wanted to remember all the times Hiro kissed the top of his head and patted his back to say, "It's not time yet."  
Then, Hiro would smile to himself and whisper, "I'll keep you to myself as long as I can."  
Every time his best friend said that, he looked up with tears in his eyes and a bewildered face. What did Hiro mean by that? But he knew that those words were not spoken with insincerity.

Then, Hiro would push him away and say, "There'll be a time when everyone will want you. For everything."  
With his thumb, he would wipe all the tears away and smile sadly, but wider.

If Hiro was the big pillow he could fall on, then things would work out all right. They were the same age, but he felt like such a little kid next to the class's number one student who skipped out on turning in his applications for college. All he said to Shuichi was, "There's no 'if' here."  
With that, he trusted those words.

But as he pressed the button to follow the live, Shuichi squinted his eyes. What was it about Ryuichi?  
What was it about Sakuma-sama that people came to him more and more? He needed that power.

He wanted that kind of charm. Then no one would question his place and who he was.

But what was the heart of Sakuma Ryuichi?

Shuichi knelt before the tv and couldn't figure it out at all. It wasn't a simple task, after all. Everyone wondered that and it still was left unanswered. But Shuichi had to know.  
He didn't personally know Ryuichi, but he felt like they were friends. They were brothers. They were lovers with a secret.

Ryuichi could be anything and became everything. He thought of him in this manner and he felt no shame in it.  
How could you understand the person that you admired without looking at everything? From every angle. Especially when you were a bit slow with everything.

"Stop." Shuichi said to himself as he pressed the red button on the remote. He closed his eyes and got up. He was so frustrated that he needed a breath of fresh air.

No one could understand his feelings that were buried deep within himself. No one else but Ryuichi could understand passion from their fingertips. Sure, there were people who loved what they did or a person, but how many could say they were seriously in love with their career, hobby, or whatever? How many could claim that they'd do anything to achieve that dream?

That's what he found through Ryuichi ever since he saw those flashing eyes on the tv screen as he was walking downtown. Those eyes called to him out of love and desperation. Honesty and charisma.

And when Shuichi couldn't stand it any longer, he wanted to shout at the world. He wanted to shout out how much he wanted something to happen with someone. How much he wanted to become a singer. How much it frustrated him that he couldn't express his feelings more than a little boy and his kindergarten drawings.

Too many things were in his head and he wanted to gush all his feelings out.

THAT was music.  
All of these bottled emotions inside of him, putting him in a place that was comfortable even though a bunch of unfamiliar faces and personalities told him he sang well.

The eyes, the hair, the hands…everything. Ryuichi could do everything.  
And he knew he could too. He wanted to beat Ryuichi in some way. To tell the world that he was honest and that he had all these things to say, but all of it came out with crappy lyrics.

"Lyrics…" he sighed to himself.

What was the use of trying to give his heart away with such vulnerability if no one could understand him? It was like a novelist trying to make a love scene without any build up or any climax. It was just, well, _there_.

Singing to no one in particular. Singing for yourself and your own feelings. How could they eclipse? They seemed so far away from one another.

And then, while he was walking by some shopping center, there it was. An open karaoke contest.  
Shuichi stopped to look on stage. To tell the truth, he stood there frozen for a whole half-an-hour thinking about how well or awful someone did. He was criticizing, he was complimenting, he was rating  
himself against them inside of his head.

Then, he began to understand what was the difference between everyone.

"LOVE," he found himself saying in English. This was the word Ryuichi never said but showed. It was the secret ingredient that even the most skilled singers might underestimate but never truly understand deep within themselves.

The people who stood out were not the ones with the high octaves or the ones that had the best lyrics.  
The ones who told you what love was, they were the ones that were killing themselves on stage and resurrecting themselves in the next stanza.

Love. Pouring from all over their voice and gestures…

Ryuichi had seen through it. And now, Shuichi was learning it.

But as he was going to turn away, there was a young man who came with torn jeans, a ripped, white sleeveless shirt, and a backwards cap. People wondered what hell was up with such an entry. He shook his head as he wagged his finger from side to side to tell them off.

The young man swayed his hips from side to side with the beat of the song and held onto the microphone stand as if he were going to wrap his long legs around it like a serpent's body. This made some people blush; others became quiet.

The fast-paced song began as the boy kept his eyes closed while concentrating on the beat of the song deep within his heart and the rhythm of his body. Then, he opened his eyes while still swaying from side to side.

"You keep on telling me to call out to you  
But aren't you the one charming me?  
When I see your picture plastered all over the walls,  
I want to lick it with my tongue as if I'm kissing you."

He closed his eyes and then opened them again with squinting eyes. He was looking around for someone to focus on, but then, he bent down a little as he rubbed his hand against the microphone stand gently.

"I wonder why I'm so scared to hold onto you  
Maybe because I'm afraid that you're a dream  
And I'll taint you with all my thoughts that aren't so good,  
But you keep on touching me with your eyes  
And I can't just stand here without fidgeting  
Before you give me-"

He took the microphone off the stand and walked to one side of the stage while shaking his shoulders. The young man brushed his lips on the microphone and lifted it up as if it were hanging from a wall. His toned arm showed all his muscles and how well-built he was as well as his flat stomach.

"What I want to hold."

Then, he went back to the middle of the stage and put the microphone back. He let go while holding out his hands.

"How can you tease me and not let me have a taste?  
You're like melting ice cream,  
I'm in the summer heat and you're standing there  
With all your glory,  
Loving the fact that you're torturing me."

He showed his profile and grabbed onto the microphone again. He swayed the stand from side to side now while keeping his lips and words filled with so much emotion, you could almost feel like he wanted to molest you against your will (…or maybe the other way around).

"Yeah, I shout out in the middle of the night  
And then I find out that I'm having a nightmare  
I'm all alone and you're not there.  
I keep on wishing that you'd make me real  
With the touch of your lips,  
Like sleeping beauty."

He started to smile as the crowd was totally taken in, especially Shuichi. This young man gave him a new perspective to what he should do. But wasn't there something familiar about him…?

The young man stepped one foot with the beat of the song.

"How can you tease me and not let me have a taste?  
You're like melting ice cream,  
I'm in the summer heat and you're standing there  
With all your glory,  
Loving the fact that you're torturing me."

And then, he took down the mic again and fell on his knees. Maybe it was just a karaoke contest and this was too much, but it looked so natural to see this young man do this. No one minded.

He held the mic with both of his hands and he closed his eyes. Then, he put one palm to one side of him, flat on the stage while he avoided everyone's gaze.

"Where in heaven and hell do I find such beauty?  
Where will I ever find such ecstasy  
In the torturing look  
That only you can give me?  
I love the way you hurt me."

Then, he got up and swayed his hips from side to side while putting the mic back on its stand. He squinted his eyes and finally made contact with Shuichi's bright eyes, understanding the charm that was flowing invisibly.  
He had the look of one who ate the apple of knowledge and he was the one that gave it to him. The man winked in his direction and sang on.

"How can you tease me and not let me have a taste?  
You're like melting ice cream,  
I'm in the summer heat and you're standing there  
With all your glory,  
Loving the fact that you're torturing me.

But someday we'll meet again  
And all the pain you gave me,  
I'll give equally, if not more to you.  
This is the way we make love to one another,  
You have to follow me.  
I was the apprentice  
Who became master.

But won't you let me melt into you  
Make me real. I don't want to be a statue,  
Kiss me with your ethereal touch.

Melt the ice sculpture  
That I've become  
With the warmth of your love  
From your body."

"Isn't that you, Sakuma-sama…?" he mumbled to himself with his eyes following the young man's body.

When the young man ran off stage and smiled at Shuichi, Shuichi was inspired. He was filled with all these new feelings, but his thoughts pointed out to one thing. And now, he understood Sakuma Ryuichi-sama.

Filled with new inspiration, he made new lyrics and practiced his gestures more than ever.

"You have to want this more than anyone or anything in the world," Shuichi told himself.

**+/+/+/+/+/**

That's what he was telling himself as he stood on stage with the people asking for Ask.

And that's why Shuichi stood frozen as he watched the thirty-one-year-old man came onto stage once more. The one that kept his eyes sealed away from everyone, hiding himself under his cap, but his voice singing "Sleepless Beauty" that day Bad Luck was opening for Ask.

"Sakuma Ryuichi…the real thing?" he asked aloud while trying to blink his stinging eyes but couldn't.  
Wasn't this the same person from years ago? And his idol?

"The eyes of the seductive charmer," someone had commented in an article. And Shuichi now understood those words as he took a gulp, unable to breathe and unable to get away from that hypnotic gaze…

And Ryuichi lifted up his head and smirked at him, knowing full well who he was looking at. He knew that kid had talent the first time he saw him from that other stage.

Weeks later, he stood in back of Shuichi to teach him how to perform on stage. He wrapped his arm around Shuichi's waist and held onto his belt to teach him how to move his hips. Shuichi turned red despite everything unable to watch Yuki and Ryuichi glanced up at his rival with an all-knowing smile and intense eyes.

He owed Tohma for finding this boy he longed for.

From that adorable performance in the crowd and the look of discovery they both shared at different times, Ryuichi had fallen for this boy without Shuichi knowing it.

Years ago, from that karaoke stage, he was singing to teach him how to get to him. And now, he was teaching him to surpass him someday…

Ryuichi thought to himself while singing with the one he now knew as Shuichi, "I wonder if god ever fell for his own creation?"

He knew this was the gradual descent from the pedestal…  
…but what a fall with this beautiful, pink-haired mortal.

**Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note: **Yes, I know he's pink-haired, but I wanted to make him as if he had normal-looking hair and trying to find his 'identity' so just go along with it. ^^;;; I ended it this way because I started with Shuichi looking at Ryuichi and now Ryuichi is giving his place to Shuichi, whom he is looking at now.

I just felt like having a Shuichi and Ryuichi shounen ai fic. Don't ask. This is just a whim and I felt I needed something very sexy to satisfy my hunger after watching "no action" happen in PMK. (Damn Souji and Hijikata…we all know you jump one another off-camera!)

**April 1, 2004**


End file.
